No I dont have some dirty secret to come clean about with you all. If juicy gossip is what you were thinking to read, I’m sorry to disappoint, but it ain’t here. More so I’ve just had a deep desire for connection beyond the superficial bullshit on my feed. I haven’t posted recently because I’ve been searching for more than just ways to beat an algorithm or let you know what my next move is. I feel like I’ve got it wrong as of late and since what I was really feeling didn’t fit the mold of what my feed showed, I just didn’t share at all.
Doing this Chubby Yogi thing has been amazing. However It’s been really exhausting and lonely as well. Ironically, I started wanting to create a community rooted in a love for food, personal growth, and yoga and I’ve felt more isolated than ever. It’s become a hamster wheel of calculated social media posts, full days spent on marketing, and constant “promotion”. I recently had someone tell me “you are doing so well. Are you so proud of everything? You are killing it”. You want to know the truth? The month and a half before the last Grub, Chub, Namaste I cried more than I celebrated. I worried more than I gave thanks. Trying to start a small business while also having a demanding full time career has been more than overwhelming lately. And since I didn’t see anyone else discussing this topic I assumed it was just me. And perhaps I’m failing a this whole thing.
So Ive been taking some time to Pause, and Breathe. The best advice a friend as ever given me. Ironically, I just observed the third anniversary of the passing of this dear friend. In taking time to remember her life I was reminded at how big she lived. How she reveled in both life’s big moments but also the small ones. I think anyone can bask in glory of the extraordinary. But it takes a conscious effort and a skilled mind to show gratitude and excitement in the mundane. Even more so in our failures. If we are failing then we are certainly trying and what more can we ask of our selves?
I know I’m not “failing” but I do feel like I’ve missed the mark on what I wanted to create and what I’m actually creating. I know I got caught up in the rat race and I’ve really needed this break to re-center myself and my why. I wanted that something more and I’m working on it. I figured I was the best place to start. Ive been setting aside daily time for meditation and journaling. Ive been making conscious effort to be present in the mundane. To take real notice of everyday life and express my joy and gratitude in it. What matters most isn’t how many people come to an event, or like my content, or buy product. And it certainly isn’t what I should be basing my “success” on. What matters is people. My people, your people, all people.
My dear friend who gave me the advice was a people person. She made you feel like you were the most important person in the room. She remembered your name, your struggles, and your triumphs. She took time to invest in connection with people, her faith, and life. I’m not afraid to share the fact that I’ve bulldozed over these important things lately. BUT I’m working to slow down, create real connection, and to pause and breathe.